


Heart

by koalathebear



Series: The Expanse: Missing Scenes [7]
Category: The Expanse Series - James S. A. Corey
Genre: F/M, Fictober 2016, Friendship, Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 13:25:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8287363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koalathebear/pseuds/koalathebear
Summary: Set roughly around the same time as the early parts of my fic Redemption.  Spoilers for the books up to and including Nemesis Games.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written in response to the [Fictober 2016 challenge on tumblr](http://weatheredlaw.tumblr.com/post/151121970539/fictober). Word is **heart**.

"Amos is a monster," Naomi had told Holden on more than one occasion. 

Sometimes Holden agreed with her, other times he wondered if the enigmatic mechanic was actually more compassionate than he let on. For instance – he still wasn't really clear on what the deal was with Amos' insistence that Clarissa Mao be allowed to stay on the _Roci_.

It wasn't just a whim … He'd gone to a lot of effort to help the young woman. Rescued her from earth. Convinced Avasarala to look the other way as he'd smuggled her off Lunar and onto the _Roci_ , convinced the crew to let her remain … 

Sure, she hadn't caused any problems so far, kept herself to herself but Holden still couldn't rid himself of the notion that he'd allowed a ticking time bomb to remain onboard his ship. He had the same unsettled, uneasy feeling he'd experienced when he'd discovered that there'd been residual protomolecule on the _Roci_.

The sight of Clarissa Mao always made him uncomfortable, disquiet warring with a desire to try to be merciful. 

It wasn't her appearance. She was pretty enough if you liked pale, dark-haired, dark-eyed girls … but she also had an unearthly quality about her. A sense that she was a little … off … 

It might have been her murderous past, the fact that he knew that her synthetic implants gave her the ability to kill everyone on the _Roci_ including even Bobbie…

She was clearly equally uncomfortable in his presence. She always remained very quiet and still when he was around, as if she was afraid that the slightest movement would remind him of her existence and remind him of his initial opposition to her being onboard. Little did she know, it didn't help – he was acutely aware of her, profoundly conscious of the fact that her being there was endangering the safety of everyone including Amos.

There were times when he could tell she was on the verge of saying something to him. Maybe an explanation. Maybe an apology. He'd never know because she never actually spoke up – merely pressed her pale, full lips together tightly, lowered her eyes and walked past him quickly.

She was most comfortable in engineering with Amos. That's when Holden saw her smiling, almost laughing. That's when Holden saw her brow furrowed in concentration, nodding as Amos showed her how to do something, as he supervised her work. Her flushed, sweaty face would be relaxed as she wrestled with recalcitrant engine parts – Amos never wanted to replace where he could repair. Holden had stood in the entrance of the machine shop, noting Clarissa's slender fingers reassembling an engine under Amos' watchful gaze.

Next were Alex and Bobbie. The pilot who appeared to have as much past in his past as Amos would let her sit in the co-pilot's seat and show her how to fly the _Roci_. She was more reserved in Alex's presence - shy, hesitant smiles and respectful attentiveness. It was much the same with Bobbie but their fighting practice managed to defuse the tension in any situation and he could tell that the tall Martian former marine seemed to have a soft spot for Clarissa.

Sometimes the three of them sat together, the two Martians reminiscing or just shooting the breeze about the old days as Clarissa sat and listened with interest. Alex and Bobbie had clearly developed a friendship along the way that bordered on intimacy. They knew about each other's families, nightmares, aspirations … They didn't seem to mind Clarissa sitting with them, including her in their conversations about the rings, the protomolecule, asking her about her escape from the cataclysmic destruction on earth. 

Naomi was welcoming and kind towards the Lunar woman but Clarissa was painfully awkward in her presence, clearly still filled with guilt and remorse for the grievous injuries she had inflected on the Belter woman, her gaze uneasy and sad. 

"To be honest, it's probably good that she doesn't get too comfortable," Holden confessed one evening as Clarissa hastily exited the galley when Holden and Nagata walked in. 

"It's her home, too now," Naomi pointed out and laughed when Holden's brows immediately snapped into a fierce frown. "Just who do you think Amos has fixing your beloved coffee machine these days?" she asked him mischievously.

"Amos better be careful before making himself surplus to requirements," Holden retorted as he stated the coffee machine.

The doors slid open and Amos strode in with his almost careless swagger, Clarissa at his side. "Telling her she doesn't need to leave the room every time you come in," Amos told his captain, his light eyes challenging him to contradict him.

"Amos – " Clarissa spoke quietly, her hand resting lightly on his arm. 

"What Peaches?"

"You don't have to defend me like I'm your pet chicken or something …" she said in a low voice.

"You're crew," Amos said with a shrug. 

Holden took a swallow of the coffee, closing his eyes contemplatively. "You know … I had noticed that the coffee was tasting better these days …" he remarked, glancing towards Clarissa whose eyes widened.

"Thank you, captain," she acknowledged. She glanced over at Amos. "Heading back to engineering to finish up," she told him.

"Is it the broken pump still?" Naomi asked her and Clarissa nodded. "I'll go with you – I have a trick that usually works on that thing …"

The two tall, women walked out of the galley leaving Holden with Amos who strolled over to the coffee machine and made himself a cup of coffee.

"You brought a murderer back onto our ship, Amos."

"Yup."

"You made her part of our crew…."

"Yup."

"And you didn't ask me if it was all right before you did it."

There was a long pause and then Amos shrugged. "Yup."

"What made you so sure I wasn't going to just drop her off at the first space station we docked in?" Holden demanded, torn between amusement and exasperation at the mechanic's complete lack of repentance for his actions. It was just so … Amos.

Amos shrugged and then drained the rest of his coffee. "Because you're James Holden … "

Holden raised an eyebrow and waited for Amos to continue. You couldn't rush Amos when he was talking. 

"You've got a heart the size of a fucking planet and you always do what's right." Then, without waiting to see if Holden had a reply, he strolled out of the galley back towards engineering, leaving Holden staring after him in bemusement.


End file.
